Saturday, December 24, 2011

Snow in the desert

No matter how many times I tell my three year old that the Pilbara is only likely to get snow during the next ice age, or in a parallel universe, or when the proverbial freezes over, she continues to ask when it’s going to arrive.

Maybe you’ve got the answer. I mean, if you're going to live in a desert which does a good job of flowing with money, palm trees which gather flies and eggs which fry themselves on the road, then why not snow as well? 

It's the Pilbara. Anything's bloody possible!


Whatdya mean Karratha?
Or…grrr… not Newman too?!
Not getting’ me to Panna
Or Para-what? Paraburdoo!

Get stuffed, have to pay me,
An awful lot for sure,
Cause you’re not getting me to Wickham
Or Samson or Roebourne, what’s more.

I’m on the tightest schedule,
You know I am the man?
I’m sure that you do realise
That heat’s not in my plan.

So nup. That’s a no to Hedo.
A no to Port South.
A no to outback Warralong
And Jigalong – read my mouth!

So… that’s what happened at Christmas,
When Santa outsourced himself
And subcontracted all his talents,
Reindeer, wife and elf.

You see, he’d had a big night out
At an early Christmas party
And done his back with a big fair whack
And boompf! Weren’t feeling hearty.

“I do not want to give this up,
My duty to mankind,
But alas, I’ve sent out forms for
Application, if you mind.”

Just like one bloke he’d wrangled
For, well, double the overtime rates -
A friend of a cousin who had a friend
Who was friends with someone’s mate,

So, the north west heat of WA
Got stuck with a bloke named Frosty
Who was, funnily enough, with a carrot nose stuck
And in scarves looked rather bossy

I know, a snowman really sucks
For delivering to the desert
So up in the greatest north north west
They prayed for, (what else?) a blizzard.

And lordy be on Christmas Eve
With Santa workers compo
The god or gods or angels or stars
Must have thought they’d just gone bonkers, 

that 30 000 hot sweaty folk
Who all loved cyclones and sun
Were still praying hard on the 24th
For a fierce snow storm to come.

And lo and behold on Christmas Day
It was snowing in the Pilbara skies
And Frosty did his job for Santa Claus
And we all ate hot mince pies.